Week 4 Postpartum: Sleep deprived and homebound

I don’t think I’m ever really completely asleep now, my mind is fully set to baby and I can wake up right before a cry starts.  The little cries seem to linger elusively in my mind, like the feeling of being on a boat, or seeing waves when you close your eyes after a full day in the ocean.  Sometimes I hear her cry when I close my eyes and let the shower stream over my face.  I peak my head out the door and listen, but nothing, it was in my head.  Then she really does start to cry and I think I’m loosing my mind.  Sleep deprivation is scary stuff.

The schedule is still so unpredictable, sometimes a nap may go for 3 hours, sometimes it may only be 20 min or an hour. So I put her down and tell The Husband, “she’s sleeping, I’m going to run to Target and I’ll be right back”.  Mind you, he works from home and sometimes there’s time to swing and cuddle a crying baby, other times his phone is ringing off the hook with complaining customers, questioning coworkers, and Bobs wanting updates on his spreadsheets like yesterday.  

I had just sipped a taste of Starbucks’ new Toasted Graham Latte and was pushing my cart down the bed and bath section, thinking how I almost felt normal, and might even buy some new bath towels if there was time.  Then, the text “she’s up” Break over..  With less then half my list in my cart, I left and rushed home to find The Husband juggling a headset and balancing a computer on his lap, while bouncing crying Baby in the vibrating chair with his foot.  2 bottles of pumped milk empty on the counter, a half drank beer and 3 diapers by the changing table.  I wasn’t even gone an hour.  

What’s going on with this beer?  I needed something to calm me down, he said.  Haha, a midday beer, I like it.